happy diwali.
just wishing the friends a happy diwali.
enjoy.
now, i shall get back to staring at a beer can.
red watch.
i found a red watch in my drawer.
asked my mum about it.
she said it was apart of my stuff hidden away in the cupboard.
not actual watch but i wouldn
what doesn’t make sense is i don’t remember it.
it looked familiar.
i’m thinking so hard how on earth i got it.
i’m thinking of all sorts of people i’ve met and how the hell i have it.
my mind goes blank… it’s weird.
i don’t forget anything. almost never. maybe i blanked out a bad memory.
i don’t know. i look at it. i’m numb. i’m blank.
how could something that belongs to me be insignificant?
better days.
i haven’t been myself.
something’s not right.
i don’t know what it is.
perhaps it’s the alienation.
i really don’t have a clue.
just hoping and praying for better days.
alienated.
Just feeling very distant from everything and everyone.
it’s weird. i haven’t really gotten it figured out.
i don’t have the drive to do nothing and being at home alone doesn’t help either since my head goes on extreme overload.
it feels awkward. very unlike myself. perhaps everyone is preoccupied with their own things, i can deal with that but every now and then as much as i’d hate to admit it. i do need someone. yes, there’s the boyfriend but sometimes i just need the best friend. only reason why is because i’ve spent years whining about things to them. i’m not craving for attention but eventhough i should be busy with my own things i’ve always made time for everyone around me. i’m not expecting much but just a friend even for a mere 5 minutes is way much more than i could ask for.
i may say i want new friends but in reality i don’t. i like the people i’m comfortable with. i get it if they can be busy but just a friend. i need one every now and then.
i just hate spending the day calling friends and none are there. it’s either work or studies or girlfriend/boyfriend. yes, i get it but sparing a few minutes isn’t much is it?
i hate having lunch alone with random dudes trying the lighter pick up line. i’m just so tempted to say “fuck off” every other time.
i don’t know what it is but i’m not exactly on cloud nine. i might almost have everything but somethings bugging me. somethings missing. and so far the only way i know how to figure it out is with the people who knows me best through all these years and that i’m comfortable with.
i’m feeling very very alienated.
*sigh*
P.S: perhaps i should use the Paris Hilton idea…
the cat.
this is my new found friend.
yes, it’s a cat.
i know it’s pathetic but she’s the only one who seems to acknowledge that i still exist on the surface of the earth. everytime she sees me she starts to meow. she comes to me complaining and whining of all sorts of things which i’ll never be able to understand and i look at her thinking what have you got to complain about? life’s pretty good for you. you get a crapload of food from this house and a shitload of attention everytime you see me. shouldn’t you be lucky?
yet again, i figured i’m losing it comparing my life with a cat’s. tragic i know.
but what more could i ask for? friends come and go. for now, they’ve gone..
so hello my new friend that probably doesn’t give a shit about my life.
she seems happy.
who gives a shit?
P.S: i’m frustrated. i don’t know why.
jeans.
yes, i finally found it.
the so called perfect jean.
as anyone that knows me would know how it’s hell to find a bloody pair of jeans since i’m fussy and thus why i’m almost always in a skirt.
so yes, paraded in them today and cut me some slack on it being low rise. i can’t bare dealing with anything that goes above that. it’s just because i’m used to baggy pants from way back when. it feels awkward.
so go easy on me.
i may not be some major fashionista but i like being comfortable in what i’m wearing.
thank you.
when things don’t go my way.
refer to the above.
to begin with is a long list of things to do and being delayed and rushed for it only to find that when i need to collect my jeans, mum goes on a shopping spree. then me needing to go to the bank gets further delayed. talk about being anal. irritating? anyways, that’s not it!
what’s the ultimatum of that?
stuck shopping after being ditched by a ‘mangkuk’ and a ’senduk’ with a messed up ankle and trying my level best not to limp that obviously.
then to kick that up a notch is witnessing women that can’t walk with stilettos and insist upon doing so. this is where i take the advice of someone, “don’t use heels if you can’t bloody walk with them”. then it’s even more so frustrating since my ankle is messed up and i’m eye-ing on a red pair of heels but the mood goes off considering i felt like the KL tower with them. christ!
trust me. it’s a pain in the ass.
apart from that it’s my messed up sleep. i’ve been getting an average of 3 hours sleep a night and can’t seem to sleep at all. i spend more time tossing and turning than actually sleeping. gets bloody frustrating.
the odds are against me.
i swear ‘the Man up there’ has issues against me.
P.S: looks like Shyam ain’t my bff no more. It’s Uvan now. not my fault if he can’t take a compliment. christ! i feel like bloody Paris Hilton minus the blonde of course.
need sleep.
yes, i’m an insomniac.
been having the whole darn thing again this week.
having trouble falling asleep and i’m just always bloody awake.
it’s annoying.
i try sleeping and toss and turn for hours and get completely frustrated trying to sleep.
*sigh*
well, guess that means more time to finish up my books so i can shop for more books.
also i so want to watch ‘Nights in Rodanthe’. why? not because there’s Richard Gere eventhough he’s got eyes to die for but because i like the work of Nicholas Sparks. yes, the same author of ‘The Notebook’. guess we all do have a certain part of being a hopeless romantic.
can’t help it.
crap! i need to sleep!
the so called essentials.
yet another day.
woke up to a heavy downpour and had to visit some family friends. so the usual routine. the details. don’t ask. but wasn’t too bad credit goes to the ‘life saver’. so i’ll just keep that short.
then the mother had the sudden pang to change her wardrobe so accompanied her shopping. found myself a couple of stuff while i was at it.
mind me, i still despise shopping but i’ve got to keep up my reputation of looking good. well, at least i tried. cut me some slack and give me some credit for that. should be glad i got myself in a skirt or dress after all the years spent of being the most awesome tomboy. i swear any dude would’ve loved my collection of baggy pants considering how some of them disappeared and never came back.
it drove me bonkers sitting and watching mum going through a million and one tops and pants and dresses. well, it was alright but what drove me nuts is being unable to decide. for the love of god, if i looks good i say it looks good. if you look like ur pregnant being a mother of ten i will say so too. i’m too honest to bloody lie unless its a matter of life and death but yet again i would suck at it.
so yes, i still bloody hate shopping but i don’t mind shoe shopping. only problem is i’ve got one too many pairs laying around since i’m too darn lazy to wear heels.
also i managed to find the perfect jean. finally. notice how i almost never wear jeans? why? cuz i can never find a pair that would fit my derriere. thank you and i ain’t proud of it. it drives me nuts. more reasons to hate shopping.
well, basic idea of the whole rant about shopping is i HATE it but i still have to. why? well, if i could i’d run around in my huge t-shirts and my super cute box shorts but that technically would be running around being indecent. so there’s the need to dress up and being presentable. as we all know, the first impression counts alot. not to me but to the bloody rest of the world. ain’t life a b***h.
reality’s a b***h. can’t do much about it.
P.S: i’ve got a new bff! shyam’s the new bff. why? well, first thing i saw him he claimed i was since we’ve got quite a number of things alike. i blame facebook, likeness rated and unrated. twisted.
bloody @#$&%@#!!!
i’m getting ma chee bye niama pookie kaninabu niaseng pookie tiang chau chee bye kia ma fucking irritated with the kaninabu tiu niaseng kanasai chee bye bloody e-mail bouncing for no apparent reason.
grrr….
(-.-)”
