disappointment.
well, the title says more than enough. it’s a really long story. but all i can say it’s about my best friend or i call her my soulie. she’s the closest person to me on earth asides my dearest. I missed her so so much when she was away. But now when she’s back here I worry for her. Almost too much but i can’t seem to help it.
I’ve always been patient when it comes to the people i care about. I understand that we humans are bound to make mistakes. Thus, me being able to give chances over and over again as so long there’s a good explanation.
But in this case, the first i was really nice to just tell her in a stern manner hoping to God it’ll never repeat and it seemed like she learnt her lesson. But tonight she did it again.
I wanted to be so so mad but i couldn’t seem to do so. I just felt very disappointed and upset but most of all i felt hurt. Why? I guess it happens when you hope for so much for a person and when you know they can but yet they bring your hopes down this is how it feels.
I feel really bad for the boyfriend yelling at her but yet again i don’t blame him for i know how he felt. He felt the same way i did. Hurt. For he has learnt to care for her in a way that i do. Thus, the feeling of utter disappointment.
I spoke to her of it but i guess it won’t sink in now.
Well, the idea is a blur but note that my lil’ soulie is alone. she doesn’t have anyone with her here. No one i believe she could rely on entirely. Yes, you can say i’m being very protective over her. I can’t help it. I leave her be to learn herself but i’d hate to see her hurt in any way or being mistreated in any way.
In many ways, me and the boyfriend seem like parents for now. I don’t mind it. I’m not sure if he does but i doubt that he minds it. I might nag, yell, shout or scream at her but my true intentions are to let her learn for being alone isn’t easy. She has to be responsible over herself and be a well respected young lady and expect people around her to treat her as one.
I hate being mean to her. I hate it when i yell at her or start going at it in any way. All i know is i just want the best in her.
I can promise her i’ll always be there but i can’t promise her til when i can still be there.
I guess i just love her too much.
I just don’t want ever to be disappointed. I hate this feeling and i even more so hate the feeling of being the mean person considering the fact i’m the closest thing to her on earth.
