relax.
been almost a week since my last post. darn fever and flu that got the best of me finally decided to leave. thank goodness. back to the usual routine once again. nothing new asides the fact i still find it sickening. i think i really need something new or a vacation to refresh myself. but anyways, at least i have an alternative that works.
to those that don’t already know. i do yoga. well, at least i try to make it a habit for as often as i can. initially i thought it was crap for old farts that found an easy way out. but it wasn’t. it was thanks to a friend who convinced me to join the yoga club when it first started in college. it was good. had this instructor that totally rocked. but anyways, the first class i remember how it was sheer torture. the next day every part of me ached like mad. then later on it got easier. eventually i grew fond of it which is the only reason why i still keep up with it til today.
reasons why? well, it got rid of this back problem i had. i used to get severe backaches due to previous injury but once i kept up with it never seemed to bother me. unless i haven’t been doing so in a long time.
then comes the main reason why i love yoga. its a pretty good workout. simple and calm yet you break a major sweat and even after the whole thing yes i’ll be sweating like a pig but yet i feel refreshed in a way. sounds weird i know but it leaves a calming effect. something i need. at least it lasts.
its a habit or should i say a routine i try to keep up with when i have the time every morning for awhile and if i had extra time to spare then even more in the evening.
sounds totally weird but i love it.
now back to the hell hole.
flu.
yes, i’ve got the flu. i’m left waddling around the house with a box of kleenex in hand. soon enough we’ll have to work out a sponsorship program everytime i’m down with the flu. i’ll survive i hope. just a short note that jini needs a little TLC here. The boyfriend is halfway burying his head in books due to exams on friday and my girls busy with their own thing as well then adding to that my buddy is across the continent and besties seem busy. i could use a hug here.
guess being alone with a box of kleenex can be pretty darn depressing.
NO pics of me either looking like rudolph the red nose reindeer.
these are the moments i miss last night’s tequila shots.
*sniff sniff*
*aH cHoO!~*
(>.<)
got this song playing in my head nonstop. somehow it’s like the flu is singing it to me.
maroon 5 – won’t go home without you.
happy 20th granny!
well, as the title goes. happy 20th birthday granny. just so you know, you’re still the favourite granny and no you’re not getting extra wrinkles but a lil hotter by the day. haha. you know i love you.
i know you hate it when i do that.
but anyways, hope you enjoyed the little girl’s night out courtesy of all the girls. also thanks for always being our beloved granny. we’ve got a long road to go. thanks for always being that friend that i could count on. appreciate every moment of it. i love you and no the boyfriend won’t get jealous. who cares if he does.
and then for the record.
these are my girls. i love them to bits for they are amongst the people i know i can trust with my life. as well as i can count on them no matter what. they are the people that have known me for years and seen the worst and the best of me yet still appreciate me for who i am. also in a certain case she started hating me before we became the best of friends. bottomline, we’re stuck together for life.
and yes, we’ll see who gets married first and its certainly not me. also i do remember i have to get you girls customised dresses and flight tickets to wherever i am. so start praying i make the big bucks. haha.
the promises i make that might leave me royally screwed but for them i will.
the contradiction.
That long long time when we spoke last, I recall being there and apologising for my mistakes. Prior to that i remember speaking to another of our friend and i apologised to her as well. Just in case you forgot i apologised then. Isn’t an apology a way of seeking for forgiveness? Perhaps everything can’t be forgiven in an instance but don’t we all make mistakes? all i ever asked for was an explanation of where i went wrong so i could at least try to make amends. I can’t promise that i’ll be perfect but i’ve tried the best that i can.
Apart from that i never chose to end up with someone just to hurt another’s feelings. I know i’m bad at making choices when it came down to relatonships. I find it odd that i’m blamed for it as that friend that amongst all i trusted with my life and believed in made me feel betrayed as we both seeked for forgiveness from each other after the incident and he told me we were buddies. i guess friendship has lost its value somehow.
Its true what’s passed is past but i still don’t see how i have the ability to play with feelings of people i cared about. If i didn’t care about him i wouldn’t have told him the truth of how i didn’t feel the same. If that’s so then my mistake was being unable to love him in return the way he’d like. If i never did care about the rest of you, i wouldn’t have taken the initiative to apologise for mistakes i was clueless about. Maybe to you i seemed like i backed off in real relationships but i doubt i’m the only one. Now i question which part of it seemed real? Another is responsibility. There are many things i don’t mention maybe its my fault for not doing so but life isn’t as simple as how i used to be able to laugh it off everyday. I may not show it but it doesn’t prove that it’s a walk in the park right now.
I’ve apologised one too many times for mistakes i’ve made but i guess it takes two. I seemed cold for i was hiding everything i felt. I felt betrayed by those i thought were the closest to me that knew me. I guess i was wrong. I seemed cold because it hurt so bad to watch how my own friends could turn their backs on me when i needed someone the most. Thus now i choose to be alone so that i won’t have this happen again. I miss and cherish those good old times but i don’t intend to relive it. Let bygones be bygones.
Perhaps you never thought of telling me i hurt him for he himself never did say that to me. Most of all i feel betrayed by him. Of all the times we’ve spent and tears and everything, he actually betrays me by having you to believe i hurt him. He never told me so. Did it ever occur to you to listen to both sides of the story?
The only reason i became distant was because i was led to believe that you hated me and didn’t want this friendship anymore. He led me to believe that all of you were mad at me for no apparent reasons. I even questioned on how to make amends but to no avail.
I’m not using this as an attack but for once i choose to speak up and make myself clear. I’m tired of feeling sad everytime i see the rest of you or familiar places. But instead i’ll say thank you for once being a friend. Sorry for my mistakes. Finally, thank you for giving me an explanation after so long. It was what i was waiting for… Thanks.
first tag.
1. Open your library. (iTunes, Windows Media Player, iPod, etc.)
2. Turn on ’shuffle’.
3. Press ‘play’.
4. For every section, type the song that’s playing.
5. When you’re on to a new question, press ‘next’on your player.
6. Don’t lie and try to pretend you’re cool by hiding your Hilary Duff and Westlife songs.
well, my twin has tagged me but before i begin i shall admit the fact that i do have a vast collection of cheesy music. so shoot me please. haha.
Opening credits: Frankie Valli – Can’t Take My Eyes Off You
- i’m off to a good kickstart. know the song by heart also the best to sing along whether you’re sober or drunk.
You’re just too good to be true.
Can’t take my eyes off you.
You’d be like Heaven to touch.
I wanna hold you so much.
At long last love has arrived
And I thank God I’m alive.
You’re just too good to be true.
Can’t take my eyes off you.
Pardon the way that I stare.
There’s nothing else to compare.
The sight of you leaves me weak.
There are no words left to speak,
But if you feel like I feel,
Please let me know that it’s real.
You’re just too good to be true.
Can’t take my eyes off you.
I love you, baby,
And if it’s quite alright,
I need you, baby,
To warm a lonely night.
I love you, baby.
Trust in me when I say:
Oh, pretty baby,
Don’t bring me down, I pray.
Oh, pretty baby, now that I found you, stay
And let me love you, baby.
Let me love you.
You’re just too good to be true.
Can’t take my eyes off you.
You’d be like Heaven to touch.
I wanna hold you so much.
At long last love has arrived
And I thank God I’m alive.
You’re just too good to be true.
Can’t take my eyes off you.
I love you, baby,
And if it’s quite alright,
I need you, baby,
To warm a lonely night.
I love you, baby.
Trust in me when I say:
Oh, pretty baby,
Don’t bring me down, I pray.
Oh, pretty baby, now that I found you, stay..
- not too bad. left on a high with head swaying left and right. hehe.
Waking up: Brooke Valentine – Girlfight
- don’t make sense. i’m a nice person. i don’t think of fighting the first thing when i wake up.
We bout to throw dem bows
We bout to swang dem thangs
It’s ’bout to be a what? Girlfight!
- still don’t make sense. maybe waking up to the daily battle. bleh!
First day of school: lorena gomez – if you don’t know me by now.
- interesting. love the song but maybe can la. the first day so better get to know me.
If you don’t know me by now (If you don’t know me)
You will never never never know me (No you won’t)
If you don’t know me by now
You will never never never know me
- maybe could apply but don’t get to close. comfort zone please.
Falling in love: Nick Cannon – Can I Live.
- had this song but never paid attention to the lyrics.
I’ll Always Be a part of you
Trust Your Soul Know it’s always true
If I Could Talk I’d Say To You
CAN I LIVE
CAN I LIVE
I’ll Always Be a part of you
Trust Your Soul Know it’s always true
If I Could Talk I’d Say To You
CAN I LIVE
CAN I LIVE
- bloody don’t make sense at all. weird!
Fight song: Kurupt – It’s over.
- cute song. so not fighting.
It’s over, it’s over now,
Move over, it’s my turn now,
It’s over, the game’s shut down,
Sorry.
- don’t bother fighting. i win!
Breaking up: Damian Marley – Beautiful.
- talk about looking on the bright side fast.
Beautiful
Here we go again
My love, you know
I will never let you go
My love
Beautiful
Here we go
- talk about hooking up back again. dammit!
Prom: Augustana – Boston.
- love the song but prom?
She said I think I’ll go to Boston…
I think I’ll start a new life,
I think I’ll start it over, where no one knows my name,
I’ll get out of California, I’m tired of the weather,
I think I’ll get a lover and fly em out to Spain…
I think I’ll go to Boston,
I think that I’m just tired
I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind…
I think I need a sunrise, I’m tired of the sunset,
I hear it’s nice in the Summer, some snow would be nice… oh yeah,
You don’t know me, you don’t even care…
Boston… where no one knows my name… yeah
- maybe could apply. it’s like venturing out to something new. leaving it all behind. guess it’s perfect for my prom this year. leaving it all finally.
Life is okay: Terror Squad – Lean Back (remix).
- what in the world?!?
I said my niggas don’t dance
We just pull up our pants
And do the roc-a-way
Now lean back, lean back, lean back, lean back
- chilling out.. haha.
Mental breakdown: Gwen Stefani – Hollaback Girl (N.E.R.D remix)
- well, i’m certified nuts then.
So that’s right dude, meet me at the bleachers
No principals,no student-teachers
Both of us want to be the winner, but there can only be one
So I’m gonna fight, gonna give it my all
Gonna make you fall, gonna sock it to you
That’s right I’m the last one standing, another one bites the dust
- how about some ass whooping to get back then?
Driving: Luniz – I Got Five On It.
- haven’t heard this for quite some time like. not good.
hey, make this right man
stop at the light man,
my yester night thang got me hung off the night train
you fade, I face
- bad shape wey. focus!
Flashback: Nicole Scherzinger – Baby Love
- nice. i like. yes, i’m sure you’ve already guessed who i’m thinking of.
I remember like it was yesterday
first kiss and i knew you changed the game
you had me, exactly, where you wanted
and i’m on it, and i aint ever gon let you get away
holding hands never made me feel this way
so special, boy its your..
your smile, we so in Love (lalalalaaa)
yeeeah we so in Love (Lalalalalaaa)
and i just can’t get enough of your
lalala Lovee
yeeah we so in love LOVE
i want you to know…
You are my baby love my baby love
you make the sun come up
ohh boy (ohh boy)
you’re my every everything that i could ever dream of
You are my baby love my baby love
you make the sun come up
ohh boy (ohh boy)
you’re my every every every everything
In a minute now we’re still holding it down
butterflies everytime he come around
you make me, so crazy, its crazy, ohh baby
i don’t ever wanna be with no one else
you’re the only one that ever made me melt
you’re special, boy it’s your, your style
we so in Love (lalalalalaaa)
yeeeah we so in love Lalalalalalaa
and i just can’t get enough
of your lalala Love
yeah thats all i’m thinking of
LOVE, i want you to know
You are my baby love my baby love
you make the sun come up
ohh boy (ohh boy)
you’re my every everything that i could ever dream of
You are my baby love my baby love
you make the sun come up
ohh boy (ohh boy)
you’re my every everything that i could ever dream of
You are my baby love my baby love
you make the sun come up
ohh boy (ohh boy)
you’re my every everything that i could ever dream of
You are my baby love my baby love
you make the sun come up
ohh boy (ohh boy)
you’re my every every every everything
everything everything ohh
everything everything ohh
You always and forever you my sunshine
on my mind constant
think about you all the time (you’re my everything)
Everything everything ohh
everything everything ohh
you ma new school (love)
you ma old school (love)
and it’s true you’re the one i’m thinking of
You are my baby love my baby love
you make the sun come up
ohh boy (ohh boy)
you’re my every everything that i could ever dream of
You are my baby love my baby love
you make the sun come up
ohh boy (ohh boy)
you’re my every every every everything
You are my baby love my baby love
you make the sun come up
ohh boy (ohh boy)
you’re my every every every everything
You are my baby love my baby love
you make the sun come up ( you make the sun come up on a cloudy day)
ohh boy (ohh boy)
you’re my every every every everything
everything everything ohh
everything everything ohh
you are my baby baby baby babe love
everything everything ohh
everything everything ohh
you’re my everything
you are my baby baby baby baby love
- the perfect song for now. i’m thinking of him and thinking of every moment from the start. sweet! by the way, happy 6th anniversary. to who? go figure.
Getting back together: Linkin Park – Runaway.
- wtf?
Graffiti decorations
Under the sky of dust
A constant wave of tension
On top of broken trust
The lessons that you taught me
I learned were never true
- err.. what?!?
Wedding: 10 things i hate about you OST – Al Green – Can’t Take My Eyes Off You.
- different rendition of the same song. weird ey?
I love you, baby,
And if it’s quite alright,
I need you, baby,
To warm a lonely night.
I love you, baby.
Trust in me when I say:
Oh, pretty baby,
Don’t bring me down, I pray.
Oh, pretty baby, now that I found you, stay
And let me love you, baby.
Let me love you.
- sounds almost perfect. i like!
Birth of First Child: Santana – Black Magic Woman
- woo damn! one hell of a kid?!?
You got your spell on me, baby.
Yes, you got your spell on me, baby,
- sounds insane i know. haha.
Final Battle: Ashanti – Foolish.
- the point of enough?
See my days are cold without you
But I’m hurtin while im with you
And though my heart can’t take no more
I keep on running back to you
- what the…
Death Scene: James Ingram – I Don’t Have The Heart.
- old school but i like.
Inside I’m dying
To see you crying
How can I make you understand
I care about you
So much about you, baby
I’m trying to say this as gently as I can
‘Cause I don’t have the heart to hurt you
It’s the last I want to do
But I don’t have the heart to love you
Not the way you want me to
- err… i don’t have the heart to leave?
Funeral Song: Ray Lamontagne – Trouble.
- *speechless*
Trouble…
Trouble, trouble, trouble, trouble
Trouble been doggin’ my soul since the day I was born
Worry…
Worry, worry, worry, worry
Worry just will not seem to leave my mind alone
- can i be not that sad after i die please?
Ending Credits: Scarface & Tupac – Smile For Me Now.
- err.. okay…
Gotta be able to smile through all this bullshit
Remember that
Just keep ya head up
- niiiccceeee.. haha.
Tagging:
1. grace.
2. mel.
3. jannz.
i just randomly picked.
i’m done? woo hoo! yay!
inspired by melyong.
well, i’ve mentioned of my return but this post is inspired but my friend well more of sister of 10 years as she’s never left me nor judged me for how i’ve changed through the years but instead sets me straight when i’m wrong and supports me when i need most. she even taught me a thing or two about blogging. i don’t see her often but i‘m sure she knows how much i love and adore her. take note i’m straight. ask the boyfriend of the loving he gets eventhough i drive him insane.
so about my friend mel and why i’m inspired to do this. just yesterday my girl here had the guts to do this. shave her head bald. i swear i wouldn’t have the guts to do it. the most i’ve done is spiked hair. anyways, don’t believe me? go check it on her blog. i’m serious. she mainly did it because she’s had it. as for more detailed reasons why? check her out and interview her yourself.
so what do i have to say about it? i respect her for voicing out in that way. as for me i can’t go shave my head bald or i wouldn’t be working for the next few months. so this leads me to the biggest rant i think i’ll ever have as i’m sick of tolerating bullshit from people i didn’t even know why i cared about. i’m sick of people judging me for the things i do or say. i’m sick of even seeming to be perfect in your eyes for i’m not. i’m sick of trying to hard to succeed in what i’m doing as it doesn’t even seem to make sense to me. i’m sick of being pushed around. but most of all, i’m sick of keeping it all in as i know one day i might be a mine.
to start off with is the simplest one. to those who keep talking about me please carry on but if you actually had enough guts then please do me a favour and bloody do it in my face. i’d appreaciate your direct comments as speaking of it behind my back is as low as you can go. but anyways, thank you for your kind attention of giving a hoot about my life as it bloody seems like you’re incapable of taking care of yourself.
next in line, to all those apparent friends who judged me and never got to know me and assume i should be everything they wished. you’re only allowed to judged me when you actually have taken the initiative to know me for who i am. i’m not perfect i admit. i smoke, i drink and maybe have a little more fun than i should. i don’t necessarily get things right all the time. i have my faults and guilts but i might not know and so far the only one’s that have helped me were my real friends which it seems like i’ve known them forever and never felt ever so comfortable. so what i’m saying is if you ever were a real friend you’d tell me in my face where i went wrong instead of sulking like a baby and fall into the above group as i have just mentioned and talk about me. if you were ever real you would have just told me instead of getting others to say you should know yourself.
and then to life, will you ever be a little kind to me and lift some weight off my shoulders? all i need is just one day of peace and serenity before i completely break down. i really need some guidance or direction as i’m clueless why am i living another day for asides for those few i love and cherish and i can’t and won’t want to hurt them. i wake up every morning trying to figure out a reason why i’m living this life every other day. nothing seems to make sense anymore. i’m super edgy at times and i’m sorry to those i care which have to deal with me lashing out. i just want to know if i’m on the correct path because it just don’t feel right. i can do what i do but there’s no love for it. i’m angry and frustrated and i keep it all in. i just want to know.
last but not least, this is no longer apart of the rant but thanks mel. its you that i guessed in a way showed me i can’t bottle it all in and tolerate it. i’m glad to have you by my side and i’m sticking to you. as for the others, to those i care about i’m sorry and i love you all. to the others, as much as i try to be polite but i can’t in this case so screw you.
kisses to those i love,
read between the lines to those i loathe,
and i’m a happy jini.
the return.
as you can see it’s been dinosaurs since i last bothered writing a post. this is mainly due to the many stresses of life yet most would deny someone like me encounters them. fact is eventhough i smile and laugh things off and seem like a clown most of the time i do get stressed and yes i have a need to rant but i wont do it all in just one night. there’s just way too much and i’m clueless of where do i even begin. it’s completely and utterly insane i know but what can i do. i get driven nuts quite often.
well, so what’s been happening? if you’re a friend just try picking up the phone and dial my digits. if i haven’t called i’m sorry. i’m trying to keep up with this thing called life. so for now i’m just saying that i’m back for more!
