miss malaysia indian global.
as always it’s been dinosaurs since i wrote. So many things happened and i’m still trying to let it all settle down. First and foremost, i finally got my answer and it’ll hurt but time should heal the wound but feels great to finally let it out.
Then there was ICCG [ Inter College Cyber Games] that went well with David’s effort as well as the entire crew. Sadly, i couldn’t be there for the finals but still i had fun. The day i missed it i was stuck with a 10 hour workshop thanks to Ms.Shamini’s effort of signing me up for Miss Malaysia Indian Global. God knows what i was thinking to agree at that moment.
After ICCG, we had a trip to genting which was awesome. I’ve never felt happier with my friends which i just love so dearly. My two sayangs, Amy and Angela. I don’t know what i’d be without them. Then most importantly my buddy Fin. He’s the best thing that i ever came across in my life. The buddy that’s always there and just always understands and most of all he’s reliable. It always leaves me at a loss of words to describe him. He’s simply amazing. Thanks for everything you’ve done for me.
Then came last weekend which was pretty much amazing. I actually went for Miss Malaysia Indian Global National Selections. I made it throught the 1st round but didn’t make it as a finalist. It’s okay. I always underestimated my own species. Consider me weird. But these few ladies completely changed my mind. It’s amazing to meet my own peers with essence. It’s rare to find beautiful women with a good head on their shoulders and i was lucky enough to come across these ladies. The experience was certainly amazing. It just leaves me at a loss of words to describe them. Well, i was in a saree so i will show the graphic proof of it before i continue elaborating more about these amazing women.
Back to the story. I met all these women and i’ll start of with the former finalists and the reigning queen. They are just simply amazing women and i respect them. It’s not often you find strong women like them around anymore and only one word i can think of saying about them. Amazing.
Charmaine, she wasn’t confident about making it as a finalist but she did. She’s sweet and she’s got a special charm about her. She’s bound to leave a really nice mark. I hope you do the best out there.
Renu, brains and wits and explosive personality. Just what’s needed there.
Basically, if i go one by one i’ll never end with this but every girl i bonded with was just amazing. Not to forget our DJ Kiren. Then need to meet up with Nirmal for Nasi Lemak TPM. Just simply amazing.
It’s rare that people can leave a mark in my life in just such a brief moment. But i know i’ll never forget you girls. Thank you for the experience.
As for my buddy Fin, thanks for being so supportive when i was at the point of giving up. Not many people i know do that. Thanks. As much as i dread saying this i love you. [as a buddy. i'm a dude.]
Til the next time. Take care!
heartbreak.
well, been awhile since i’ve written anything. Been caught up with my busy life. Barely having any time for myself. Nothing out of the ordinary. Past week i was on break but still flooded with work. Some things you don’t know whether you want to hate it or love it. Not exactly in the mood for any interesting topics. Also i guess now would be the first post where i’m speaking from the heart instead of my mind that’s flooded with all sorts of thoughts about on going issues which usually are the one’s that don’t even come across your mind. So far it’s just one thing in my mind now. Heartbreak and trying to complete assignments.
Heartbreak. Yes, it’s that pain that resembles being stabbed straight right in the heart but not with a knife. Usually its just emotions. It hurts like mad but there’s no wound to attend to. It’s weird but i guess its just apart of God’s creation. I consider it a very much flawed invention. Hurts bad. Pain isn’t exactly pleasure in this sense.
Why am i even talking about this? It just started one fine night when i went somewhere and saw someone. Well, i erased every memory but it still keeps coming back. Did everything i could and thought it would just go on by. But i guess i was wrong. Once you really do love a person it pretty much remains forever. So all it took was just one look and there goes. Wonder why i actually went weak when most usually see me as the strongest girl you can find. I guess i found my weakness. It’s him.
So what did heartbreak do to me? Well, i couldn’t sleep due to my mind drowning in thoughts. Then couldn’t eat because nothing else seemed to matter. Also i was just so distracted from everything. The thoughts was about to drown me in tears. My smoking rate increased tremendously but the nicotine did nothing. I just ended up coughing like mad. In a nutshell, i was half driven insane. I was out of my mind. Thoughts of suicide did come across just to end the thoughts but i made sure i didn’t drive myself towards doing so. There was still a tinge of my sane mind left there.
After all that, i figured all i really needed was just an answer. Just knowing that i’m no longer left hanging on a wire. I got my answer but i never got the chance to explain myself. In a way, its my loss i guess. My mistake. I admit it. I’m sorry. I wasn’t hoping for anything to happen just a chance to tell what happened on my end. That’s all. After doing so he can get back on with whatever he’s doing. But i didn’t get my chance. But i did get my answer.
In a way, i’m relieved from being insane but the pain was tremendous and it’ll slowly go away i hope. But one thing i know for sure, that’s the first and last time i’d ever fall that hard and i don’t want to do so again. I’d rather live on my own knowing that he’s happy. That’s all. Asides that i’ll just be alone. I’m sure of it.
Don’t know what else to say. Just waiting for the pain to go away. I’ve got my friends. They are my life. I love you and thank you for being there.
That’s all i can say.
Well, i’m going on a trip to genting next week. Hope i don’t come across him again. Enough of pain for now. I guess wishes and prayers don’t come true. But for everything else i don’t believe in wishes nor prayers. Just whatever effort i put to make it work.
I’ll get my skyline one day.
~希望他是真的比我還要愛你
我才會逼自己離開
我也會學著放棄你
是因為我太愛你~
