compliments.
So haven’t posted anything for like two days? Well, forgive me as i have been busy. Yes, i am on break but my role as apart of the student council doesn’t stop even when i do have breaks. I’m beginning to show signs of being a workaholic. Work somehow always becomes my first priority nowadays. Well, this is most probably due to the fact that i choose not to be in a relationship. Thus, it adds more reasons to why i am so focused with my work. It can be stressful at times but after you succeed? That feeling is wonderful eventhough i end up dead tired.
What have i done today? Had two hours of sleep. Dragged my lazy bum out of bed and went to college. Well, it was the team building session for the new intake. Sadly, i was running a ‘one woman show’ so i got so caught up and forgot to take some pictures. Damn! What a waste. Well, at least after the hard efforts Fin and I put in it all paid off. Asked the students for some feedback and they seemed rather pleased. They could be lying but heck who cares it made me feel good for a moment there. But yet once again i’m mistaken to be a lecturer. Darn depressing.
Later on, had the dance class but i was more busy running around in college. So finally i left which would lead me to todays topic. Well, i met up with an old friend of mine. Yes, i’m feeling guilty because i disappeared for the past year or so and didn’t call so eventually we decided to meet up. Had a very long interesting conversation as we always do. He still knew me inside out.
So during the conversation i asked a silly question. [as i always do]
Why on earth would a guy say i’m ‘cute’?
He says, “well, there’s so many types of cute. As for you? you have a cute smile.”
I say, “cute smile? what the hell? you’ve got to be kidding me!”
Next question,
Why the hell would a guy say i’m ‘hot’?
He says, “well, you look like a mexican. your skin colour and facial features.”
I say, “so now i’m foreign thus i’m hot. what next? speedy gonzales is hot?”
I know i ask really silly questions. I still have my self esteem issues so i don’t take compliments really well. But anyways, i don’t see being hot or cute as being a compliment. I’d rather have someone who bothers looking beyond the outer layer. Compliments on looks may boost up self confidence but imagine if a guy complimented your personality? That would get him high scores with the girl. So the point of this is the best compliments are the one’s which show that you look beyond the appearance.
Well, i’m not saying my friend is bad. He’s always been downright honest with me since the day i knew him dinosaurs ago. I was just being silly and it got me thinking about how compliments work at their best.
Note to the guys/men/boys. If you really want to get the girl? Get to know her. Compliments about looks might get you some scores but she’s bound to ask you the billion dollar question that will send you straight to like a 1000 negative points, “Do I look fat?” and you will never get the right answer in a lifetime? Boy, you’re in trouble. So get to know her and compliment what you see IN her. It works like a charm. You can never get into trouble with that.
boredom.
Well, i’m currently in APIIT. You must be questioning why. I don’t have classes today. I don’t even have a meeting to attend. So why on earth am i back here? Well, it’s orientation for the new intake. I know i’m suppose to be on break but the holidays certainly don’t seem like holidays at all. I just end up bored out of my mind. Crap! I’m listening to Kenny G again. It’s on my darling [my beloved mobile]. Can’t help the fact that i actually do have a sentimental side.
So far what have I done today? Well, came in the morning to ‘welcome’ the new intake. The ice breaker went pretty okay. Then met my dear friend Bally. He’s being his entertaining self as usual. There’s just a certain glow of life wherever he is. Don’t ask me why. He’s one of those people that lights up a room just by walking in. Same goes with my dear Boss, Fin. He’s well known as my smoking buddy around here. We’re a tag team when it comes down to the Student ARC. Also something else that happened that lit a smile upon my face. I was always left guessing whether it was a childhood friend of mine in college. He looked so familiar but never had the guts to approach but thanks to Bally somehow i came across him today. Then he asked whether i lived in Subang. Then with that curious look he asked if i lived in Johor before. Well, so i was right. I’m glad i met my childhood friend once again. Doubt he does remember the days of micro genius where it was a daily dose of street fighter and back in the days of MS DOS. Also the weekend swim and then therez the roti jala. I remember everything crystal clear. Well, can consider him as my first best friend even before kindergarten. Sweet memories that i would never want to forget. If he did then can’t say nothing. Bottomline is i’m glad.
Back to the point. What am I going to talk about today? Well, its obvious. I’m bored in APIIT so lets list down the possible things to do over here. Just portraying the role of a student here and for whoever that mistakes me for being 20 odd years old? I’m NOT. I’m just the average 19 year old still attempting to be a teenager.
First and foremost the hangout joint. The smoking tree or also known as cancer port or holy tree. It’s every smokers essential destination every morning. Also the best place to meet new people. You’d see me there with my so called boss without fail.
Next destination, where i am now, the lab. What so interesting? I lost my boyfriend [laptop] last sem. Thus, i’m forced to use the pc’s here. Well, can’t use messenger and can’t play games that’s why i’m blogging. Don’t even ask me why.
Last but not least, you’ll find me at a nearby mamak around here in TPM. It’s called Shukran. That’s where i get my stock of nicotine. Loyal to dunhill but occasionally marlboro when dunhill is sold out. The man at the shop would always ask. “Cukup tak?” At first, it annoyed me. Now, i just laugh it off.
Well, those are the places i would be at when i’m in college and am not having classes. Now, i’m back to being awake since i’m listening to my favourite dosage of incubus. Keeps me alive. Love it. So that’s all for now. Will see what else i can talk about tonight once i get home. Have a pleasant day ahead and even more so pleasant one’s after.
weight.
Just another ordinary day has passed by. What i’ve done today? That don’t really matter. Minor events of everyday life. So let’s get down to business. What’s the issue of today? It all came into my mind when i was busy with the sms spree this morning. My friend suggested i lose more weight before the next time i see him. My reaction? Let’s not even go there.
So the question today is why are people so obsessed about their weight? What influences such an obsession? It’s the media. Why do i say so? Just go watch tv and flip throught the channels or pick up a fashion magazine and flip through and if you are a male then grab a car mag and flip through. Now, tell me what women do you see? Stick thin supposedly oh-so-perfect women. Am i right?
So what’s so bad about these supposed eye candy? From an honest opinion i don’t think they are all that hot being that skinny.They straight all the way from up to down. No chest and no bum. Real women aren’t that skinny. Those skinny people have the tendency to either suffer from bullemia or anorexia. Just for your information, that is NOT healthy. So what in the world happen to the term ‘big, bold and beautiful’. In my opinion, beauty lies skin deep. So i’m NOT implying to completely neglect the way you look but just don’t turn in into an obsession. Bottomline is real women have curves and curves are considered beautiful. There is no necessity to become stick thin by starving yourself or puking your way through. That’s just wrong.
Now, for those that know me would be asking why am i saying this when i’ve lost 13kg’s in the past 5 months. I did that because i was losing my stamina and for health issues. I did NOT starve myself. Most of all, it was to help my self confidence. Yes, you can say it’s influenced by the media but still i have my solid reasons and i did it in a healthy way. Here’s proof. You can even run a survey and ask anyone did i starve myself.
As you can see in the picture it did help my self esteem. I used to hate the camera. The before picture my face is red due to the alcohol influence. After? Damn! i love the camera.
Well, back to the point. Losing weight is fine but just keep in mind the importance of good health plays a more major role. Then comes another point. If you intend to lose weight it is for yourself but NOT for anyone else. Well, i once had this ex that was just so obsessed with looks. He would give me a long lecture if i just turned up in my favourite shorts and tee. Also if i gained some weight, Christ! i just had the urge to murder him. Then there was another ex which i loved because i never had to dress up. He just accepted me the way I am. He was fine with the uncut diamond in the rough. We’d be happily out with shorts and t-shirts. He made me feel confident about myself. So what am i implying? You should learn to be comfortable in your own skin without anyone telling you so. If you think losing some makes you feel better then go ahead by all means. If someone tells you so. Don’t get under the influence.
Conclusion? Weight should be related with your health and NOT the media. If you think you’re fat just go check your Body Mass Index (BMI) and you’d know if you are fat or not. Just don’t lose weight til you disappear. Remember having curves is natural.
As for me, i’m getting comfortable with my own skin. [Just going to lose a little more so I'd be comfortable in a bikini! This is because i told Jaz that i'd lose weight til i've got the figure to pole dance in a bikini with confidence.] Here’s how much confidence i have now.
moving on.
well, another day gone by as fast as it seems. Didn’t do much today. Barely even exited the house. Depressing i know. So far survived with just one cigarette but it looks like i need an entire pack. Life’s ways somehow got me frustrated . Also another cause of it is how my temper strikes. Still working on the whole anger management thing.
Got a friend leaving so just thought of seeing him. Well, old friends not to say dead close but somehow i’ve got a weak spot for friends. Even the boyfriends don’t get that type of priority. Why? I have a nature when friendship holds a great value. Anyways, don’t know what to say but i’m going to miss him like mad. Sounds insane but yea. What happens when i’m sitting down contemplating about my life and everyone and everything that builds around it? I sit on my desk and think about it. I know its weird. Thus, again pictorial proof. [I know i'm vain.] Haven’t been out so the only thing interesting to capture would be me.
Did i scare you?
Another friend of mine came by though. We had a talk about issues in life. Can’t help it. But sure hope all things go well for her.
So now another night of sitting down and contemplating about life and its issues. Don’t worry i’m still grounded to reality. I’m more of a realist. So what’s the issue for tonight? I’ve been thinking about ways of moving on from the past. Something i definitely know that i’m not alone doing so. So how do we move on from the past no matter it being what matter.
Well, i moved on by drowning myself with work at first. That didn’t help. It felt as if it did but nope. I was wrong. I just ended up breaking down in front of my best friend after knowing that one true love back then is happy with someone else. I should be happy for him. After two years of the whirlwind he found someone else. Good for him. It does hurt still every now and then when there are things that reminded me of him. But i figured a way to work around it.
Moving on is basically how you change your perception of the memory you once had into something sweet. How? It’s looking at the memory and saying “That was really sweet and i appreciate it also its what made me who i am now.” and not by thinking “How i wish i could have that once again. I really miss him.” It’s more of being thankful that it did happen for the best.
Note. I loved you and i always will. Thanks for the memory.
Next scenario. What if it was a bad memory? An example is like an abusive relationship. You end up fearing anything and everything good that happens to you. How do you get over it? Well, in my case, i know now the downside of being good at keeping secrets. Sometimes we tend to forget how our friends do hold a certain power to make us feel better. Just a simple sentence could make you feel the comfort. Like my friend telling me that he’ll be there supporting me to overcome my fears. Its been a long time since i felt that kind of comfort. Now, how do you move on? Spend time knowing yourself and what self esteem issues there could be. Solve them. Then you gain the strength to overcome it. I know i have.
In conclusion, thank you for all the experience since it has made me who i am today. For the bad records, i’m sorry you failed in tearing me apart but instead you’ve made me a stronger person. Thank you. I used to fear you but no longer. I have never felt better about myself.
For the good record, i appreciate all the little things you’ve done for me. Most of all the fact that you’ve been there. That’s what i appreciate most. I’ve been dying to tell this. If you do read this i just want you to know that you don’t know what i’ve been through but that moment when i had you back in my life and i was with you not being able to say anything but just remaining silent wrapped in your arms the comfort felt like home especially after the hell i went through. It’s over for good now. I wish you all the best.
Well, now i’m just going to enjoy my single life with all my past officially put behind as of this post. I’m relieved.
friends with benefits.
Well, it figures since i’m writing the second post for the day it is a known fact that i’m facing insomnia and can’t seem to fall asleep. My mind sometimes works on overload. I have the tendency to think too much.
What’s apart of my thoughts? Well, i’m not going to act as if i am miss goody two shoes because i’m not. Anyways, who on earth is innocent with the exception for children. I miss my innocence as a child that’s for sure. So before i run off course. Just sitting and thinking of the fact i’m not in a relationship and yes, i’m perfectly fine with it. I’m enjoying every part of being a teenager. Just enjoying my youth while i still have it. Ever thought of flings? Now, from a general impression it sounds bad. But from a reality basis it isn’t really bad and it is something that is common. People just find it a taboo to talk about it as being a general topic. Yes, it has been apart of my experience. Please note of it being a Past Tense.
So what about flings? Let’s describe it from my aspect of it. It isn’t really bad. Remember the feeling of just falling in love. For your information, it tends to start with lust. There isn’t a thing such as ‘love at first sight’ but there is such a thing as ‘lust at first sight’. Why do i say so? Well, love is something that evolves from knowing the person as a whole. You tend to overlook all physical flaws and see that inner beauty. Lust is generally what you see with the first glance.
Basically, a fling is where you still get that rush but it just lasts for a shorter span of time. Also you just cut to the chase. No strings attached just pure lust. It isn’t as bad as it seems. It feels like a craving and keeps you wanting to come back for more. This is perfection for people that are commitment phobic.
Byt the way, the term ‘fling’ sounds bad and according to my perspective of it a fling refers to it being a one time thing. I was taught another term by a friend of mine. As he says, its called ‘friends with benefits’. It better describes it and also is less harsh.
For those in a relationship, do NOT try this. Whereas for those who aren’t and seeking for something new it’s worth a try at least once in a lifetime. I’m NOT encouraging its just a fact that you only live once so best to experience things so that you don’t ponder about it when you’re old.
Now, i’m done speaking my mind on another subject. Why did i even think of this? I’m just reminiscing on the things i’ve done. [Past Tense once again.] Plus, listening to ‘Kenny G ft. Chante Moore – One More Time’ ? The song somehow reminds me of that feeling.
Damn, I miss him.
yumcha.
Just got home. Been another interesting day today, slept in the morning as usual then woke up at noon been online then eventually was supposed to watch Da Vinci Code but that didn’t happen because my beloved ‘daughter’ couldn’t make it. [she isn't really my daughter but well, yea kinda.] Anyways, i was walking around aimlessly at sunway pyramid and then dropped by starbucks as usual for coffee and not to forget my usual indulgence. Do i even need to say so? Then eventually came home only to discover that i’m left home alone. Just perfect. Basically, i was dying of boredom and prepared to buy my own coffin. How bored i was? Here’s the pictorial proof. This is how i am when i’m bored and my only companion for most of my life and free time is a laptop.
Eventually my life was saved by my dear friends. Local malaysian style. YUMCHA!
So i just came back from that ‘yumcha’ session. Rather interesting. These friends of mine, just got to love them. Why? Somehow as simple as a ‘yumcha’ session might seem it becomes rather interesting. You go back home so happy and pleased and the only thing you might suffer from is jaw pain due to the amount of laughter. As they say, laughter is the best medicine.
So what topics were discussed? Me and my insane boss [i'm apart of the student council in my college and my boss is the V.P and i'm the P.A.] we were supposed to discuss of how to introduce the new intake towards a glimpse of APIIT. It’s called a ‘team building session’ but to us its more of a chance to bully them a little. Don’t worry we’re not that bad. Just in case you plan to join APIIT [also known as UCTI.] . Well, that didn’t quite happen since he was tired and most of us ended up talking crap most of the time but talking crap is considered entertaining though.
Eventually, something else struck my mind when we were talking about anything and everything. Again another issue about relationships, the question of how do you make it work and of partners having extra partners. If you know what i mean. Since being too direct about the subject would be harsh since i am one who once upon a time ago was guilty as charged but i never got caught. I still do feel bad since i do have a conscience.
What about the extra partners? Well, how do you handle the situation? It is rather simple actually. Most tend to think out of the way due to raging emotions that overpower thoughts. In simple terms, “i’m gonna catch that cheating &%@#*%!!!”. Just for your information, that does NOT work. Why? Well, if you use that way you end up with insufficient solid information and might just jump into conclusions which does NOT help at all. Also helps the other party lie their way out again. Thus, i came up with a solution which is also an all time policy of mine in a relationship.
This is something that should be done from the starting point of a relationship. Convince your partner that you do trust him/her even if you don’t just assure them that you do. Why? It’s more of a mind game. When you convince your partner that you trust them its a method of playing with emotions. You mess with the person’s guilty conscience. How so? Its when you know the other party trust you then your own conscience convinces you that you should not betray that trust. So if you were to do anything you’re not supposed to you definitely would feel bad and eventually will spill it out. It works like a charm. Think about it. If you’re in a relationship and your partner does something like that you’d rather have him/her spill the truth than hearing it from someone else. Right? It proves that the person does feel a certain remorse after commiting the act.
Now wasn’t that a simple lesson? So why bother getting all emotional and think so much further than you should.
Next scenario. If you find out the hard way and he/she doesn’t feel any remorse? Just be normal and act as if everything is okay and outsmart the person at his/her game. Simple.
Conclusion? It’s best to think and find solutions with a calm state of mind. When you are raging with anger or stuck with sorrow you do not think straight. So don’t jump into conclusions and be smart about it.
Most of all, relationships are built on trust.
obviously.
Hello. it is obviously the one and only Jini. (i think?)
Screw that. Well, consider this a new found addiction i have. Definitely a better indulgence compared to my daily dosages of nicotine. It is not an addiction its just an indulgence. Well, i’m only human so please excuse my bad habits.
Moving on, what the hell am i doing here when i usually claim that i will never blog? Don’t even ask me why. I am yet to find an answer to that. I am weird and i’m fine with it. Most of all i like it.
That’s what i have to say for now. Consider it an introduction which only proves my eccentricity. Thank you for spending your time so generously on reading something that’s somewhat pointless.
Last but not least, welcome to the least bit of my insanity. Just seeking for an outlet.
of friends and relationships.
This would be regarding yesterday. Well, normal activities but just looking much more deeper into things. I just spent time catching up with old friends but discovered quite a few interesting things. We’ll start off about friendship.
Well, what about friendships? Definitely realised a few things. Firstly it doesn’t matter the length of the friendship but how they value it. I never thought some old friends i knew from school days just never changed though we split into many different directions. Even forgotten that the subject of backstabbing already cease to exist. Just discovered that i had people who claim to be friends conclude that i’m a bad influence and cannot be trusted. If you say so. Let’s just get straight to the point and make things simple. What is the purpose of backstabbing? It only proves that in your subconcious mind you realise that you have your own faults and don’t have enough courage to tell me about the mistakes i make. Which from a different aspect proves that you are just no better than me and telling me to make a difference so that you just appear better. I’ve learnt two things about true friendships.
One, true friends never backstab but tell your faults in your face.
Two, true friends will never talk bad about another person to cloud your mind.
Basically in a nutshell true friends tell you the bloody truth whether you like it or NOT. Simple.
Thus, that is all i have to say about friendship and thank God for the real friends i have. Note, i appreciate everything you’ve done for me and eventhough i may not have said thank you. well, thank you.
Moving on, about relationships. I was having a long talk with another friend i met up with. Suddenly he asked me a question, “Jini, are you sure that you are really gonna stay single for a long time?” Well, the answer? Yes. Now is the reason why.
Why would i want to stay single instead of having someone to be there to have and to cherish and the whole enchilada. From my perspective of it. I’ve had one too many failed relationships which just led me to being hurt over and over again. Then that got me thinking. Why am i spending time hurting myself building my life around another person and all it takes is the person to leave and i’m torn apart once again? It just isn’t worth getting hurt more and more. It’s indifferent with digging my own grave. So this time around i want to complete myself. I want to be secure and happy being me without a doubt. Just want to be my complete self without depending on another to make me feel whole.
Thus now i want to just spend time perfecting myself as the perfectionist i am. Spend time building my self esteem which sometimes we tend to overlook. Why do all this? Why be so selfish? It’s about time i do so.
I just want to see at one point in my life in future when i meet ‘the one’ i’ll be prepared and i would actually have the courage to say ‘Hello and Goodbye’ in the same sentence.
Now that would be me fulfilling the nicotine urge with my beloved best friend pointing my own darn camera at me. Yes, i do realize i look like crap. I’m just butt ugly. thank you.
